How to Be Encouraging in Your Parenting

Parenting.  That thing people should do when they have children.  Looks much easier to non-parents in Wal-mart than it actually is.

Okay, okay!  My definition is a little lacking.  Here's what the free online dictionary had to say about the subject:

par·ent·ing  (pârn-tng, pr-) n. The rearing of a child or children, especially the care, love, and guidance given by a parent.

Care.  Love.  Guidance.

Yep, that about covers it.

Here's something I believe about parenting:  we must intentionally encourage our children.

I was at my local grocery store the other day when I saw a small child in a cart.  The mother was ignoring the child and finally child did something naughty enough to provoke the mother to say "Why did you do that!?!  That's NOT nice!"

Well, I hate to admit it, but I, too have ignored my child until she did something naughty enough that I finally looked up and said basically the same thing.  

I have had to be very intentional about encouraging my later-born children.  It came so naturally to me with my firstborn.  She was the center of my universe and so it was easy to pay attention to her and besides, this was before smart-phones and Facebook!  I am just half-kidding when I say that about smartphones and Facebook.  I enjoy both of those items but have learned to put my phone in a bowl on my kitchen counter and leave it there unless I am specifically taking a break from cooking, cleaning and homeschooling because otherwise my smart-phone and Facebook are great tools for me to IGNORE what I'm trying to accomplish.

If you really want to encourage your child, listen to him or her.  Really listen.  That means eye contact.  That means turning off the radio or TV if necessary.  That means asking questions.

If you really want to encourage your child, be kind and patient.  It is HARD to be kind and patient when you are really just trying to finish adding the last two ingredients to that dish you are making for supper before you pop it in the oven and suddenly your two-year old grabs the flour and pours it ALL OVER the floor.

It is HARD to be kind and patient when your ten-year old lobs a piece of dirty laundry at your head as you are stepping out of the laundry room, deep in thought about the errands you are dreading running and the best way to take care of them . . .

But it is worth it.

Being encouraging means you take the time you need to be a relaxed person, a person who has already processed the things that stress you out badly BEFORE you need to be fully devoted to another person's care, love and guidance.  

This is why I'm working on getting to bed sooner and getting up sooner.   I can't roll out of bed at the same time as my kids or after they do and be nice.  I need that quiet time alone in the morning.

And being encouraging means you notice and praise your kids for what they do right.  As I type this I can hear my ten-year old teaching my two-year old how to empty the dishwasher.  "Hand me a fork!  Aren't these big bowls?"  I am amazed that my older child is doing this because I didn't ask her to empty the dishwasher.  I did ask her to hang out with her sis so I could finish this blog entry because once again my two-year old woke up early and interrupted "my" time . . .but anyway,  when I'm done here my girls are getting lots of hugs and some kisses and praise for taking the initiative to help without being told to help.  I'll tell them what a great life skill they are developing and how proud I am of them.  I won't give them candy or money or anything like that . . .I believe that learning satisfaction from a job well done is a great reward.  

But later I'll be more relaxed;  they'll be more relaxed and if we just happen to bake cookies or something like that . . .it will be a result of their positive behavior which is a result of MY positive behavior . . .getting up early so that I greeted them with smiles and praise for their actions earlier today.

Let's live our lives win-win.

Now, Go Forth and Do,

~ Jennifer