This post is for you, dear reader. But it's for me, too, because I have to choose to enjoy my children some days. It isn't always my natural response. Parenting well is an intentional endeavor. If you missed my first post on parenting, click here for a definition of parenting and some thoughts on how to encourage your kiddos.
But now here's some of my thoughts on enjoying your little people . . .
Choose to Be Flexible
I woke up early this morning, even though I didn't want to get up. Twice this week Hubby and I have had to go out to look for things we need in the evenings and it has interfered with my "going to bed" early plans. It's Friday and I'm tired.
I actually thought about sleeping in but I am super glad I got up because Secondborn had overslept and would have missed the bus if I hadn't gotten up and checked on him. He's usually up at 5:45 and puttering around!
But I digress. Back to the flexible bit . . .I said all that to say this . . .I was planning on Littlest sleeping in so I could do my devos and blog in peace. But she woke up.
So I went and lay down beside her and tried to get her to go back to sleep. I really thought I'd gotten her to sleep . . .I crept stealthily out of bed and but she SPRUNG up and joined me. Sigh.
At this point I had two choices. Be crabby and angry that I could not blog . . .I really want to be consistent about blogging M-F . . .or be flexible and figure something out for Littlest to do without ignoring her. So she's got some snacks right now and we are making faces back and forth over the laptop screen. . . not my first choice. I'd rather she was in bed asleep . . .but it is a better choice than me being resentful and surly with my child.
From past experience I've discovered that discontentment is contagious. Whoever said that "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" knew what he was talking about, even if he didn't know his grammar!
Teach Your Kiddos Listening Skills
My oldest two are about two years apart. I'm not sure where I learned to take their chubby little faces in my hands and say "Look in my eyes!" . . .but I did that a lot. I made sure I had their complete attention before asking them to do anything. When they got older I'd say "Look at my eyes" and take my middle and index fingers and lay them right under my eyes in a "Look at me" gesture. It worked so well that one time I caught myself saying it to Hubby. He was not amused . . .but it does seem a little funny now. :)
Now that they are older I don't do that anymore, but I do make sure we are looking into each other's eyes when we communicate and if necessary I turn off the television or put my phone down and turn my whole person towards them and say "Okay, tell me again what you were saying" because I want to model to them how to listen and besides, if I don't do that . . .I won't hear them either!
Teach Your Kiddos to Care about Each Other
"Families and communities are at their best when they care for one another." ~ unknown. I love that quote! It's not okay to be mean to your brother or your sister just because society seems to condone it and sitcoms make it seem super funny. When my oldest two were little we learned to sing the Bible verse that says "Do to others as you would have them do to you . . ." What an important concept!
Make Them Take Ownership For Their Choices
Let's talk about choices a little. Being kind, for example, is a CHOICE. Your child can choose to be kind, or he/she can choose not to be kind. You are the parent. You decide what the consequence is. It will be different for each child. I have one child who fits this little ditty perfectly "When she was good she was very, very good. But when she was bad, she was horrid."
One day I was horrified to see her little sister mirror her pouty lip, her stomp, her hands on her hips when she was angry. At that moment I realized that I had to nip this in the bud. My approach went like this: "Sweetie, I want you to change your attitude. In fact, if you will change your attitude for the week I'll let you pick new art supplies out on Friday."
She didn't care about that. She was MAD. Then I said, "Fine, no new art supplies. But if you stay with a bad attitude, you will lose your iPod for Saturday and Sunday. Your choice." And guess what? She chose to keep the iPod. It was her choice.
This concept is important because otherwise you may end up with self-centered, unpleasant children who cry because no one wants to be their friend.
Be Calm and Parent On
It could happen. You could get frustrated with your child. Maybe. Let's just say you lose your temper and say something like "That's it!!!! You never pick up your shoes! I am throwing all your shoes away this very minute!"
Well, that is a bad thing. For one, once you calm down you'll realize that if you don't follow through they'll be like . . ."Yeah, right. Mom always gets mad and says stupid stuff that she doesn't do. So I don't need to do what she says." So this is bad because no parent wants their kid to stop respecting them or listening to them.
OR if you follow through, YOU suffer because then you have to shell out your money for new shoes for your kid ( Unless he or she has a nice piggy bank. If that's the case, make them pay and it will work much better than you replacing the shoes, but you'll still end up replacing that money at some point which is bad.)
All of the above points are require you to be conscientious and intentional in your parenting. They can be pretty tiring.
So let's make the last point fun!
Enjoy Your Kids!
Go on! Tickle them. Make faces with them. Blow bubbles. Go to the park. Toss a ball around. Exercise! If they're older, watch movies together. Tell them corny jokes and about silly stuff that happened when you were their age. Look through old pictures together and let them make fun of your hair twenty years ago.
Make sure they know that you love them! And make sure that they know that you like them, too.
Edited to Add: I'm not sure where that story about shoes came from . . .maybe from Focus on the Family, the Radio show? I listen to them a lot. In fact, if you are looking for someone who really know what he's talking about when it comes to kids, you'd probably love Kevin Leman. I have heard him speak more than once on Focus on the Family. Click here to learn more!
Love,
~ Jennifer
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