Start Where You Are : Eliminating Negative Self-Talk

I've been blogging on goals and habits.   I was going to save this topic for next month, but it seems applicable to this month.  And so here we go:

One of my goals is to Eliminate Negative Self-Talk.

Another of my goals is to only really tackle one "big"/keystone habit a month.  Right now it's January and somehow I'm working on two keystone habits without really meaning to . . .I need to take the time to sit down and write out at least twelve habits that I want to implement in my life this year.  I've already figured out four of them.

A.  Getting Up By Seven AM on school days for the month of January
B.  Making sure my sink is shined before bed every night for the month of January
C.  Eliminate Negative Self-Talk by praying about it, reading up on how to break bad habits and being accountable to someone everyday in February.
D.  MAYBE I will exercise for at least 15 minutes everyday in March.  I don't know WHAT that's going to look like yet!  So far today it is six degrees outside.  The snow is CRUNCHY.  Yes, we have snow.  Lots of it.  My exercise of choice is walking.  I love to walk.  I do NOT love to walk in the cold.  As you can see I'm still debating this habit.  Perhaps I ought to bump it to June!

But I know that February's keystone habit is going to be Eliminating Negative Self-Talk.  I didn't even really realize I was doing this so much until I read Carrie Willard's book on the "How (and Wow!) of Habits.  In her book she mentions that Eliminating Negative Self-Talk is a keystone habit, meaning that if I can learn to do that other good things will come my way.

I think I had an epiphany about my goals and habits last night.  It looked like this:

Start where you are.

The words reverberated in my skull.  Start. Where. You. Are.

Let me back up and tell you where I was before these words crashed into me.

I was feeling pretty good about myself.

The kitchen was clean.  The living room was clean.  Every member of my household was content.  I was content.

I was thinking about how I'd been doing a good job writing for my blog on a regular basis.  I was thinking that maybe I should clean the tub out again even though I had just cleaned it not too long ago . . .yes, this all happened in the bathroom where I was supervising my two-year as she took a nice long soak.

And then I decided that I should better myself by reading on goals.  Well, that was easy enough.  I googled a blogger that blogs about goals on a regular basis and I read her list of weekly goals.  I did find myself feeling a little deflated partway through, especially when I got to the exercise section.

My next mistake was clicking on another link to another blog on the same topic.  Her blog was peppered with gorgeous pictures.  She was obviously beautiful.  She has a horse.  I am not beautiful.  I want a horse but will probably never have one.

That was it.  I stopped looking.  The comparison boogie men were after me and I was succumbing fast.

And that's when the words hit me:  Start. Where. You. Are.

If God wanted me to have drop dead features and amazing coloring, I'd have them.  As for the horse, well,   I'll have to take that up with Hubby . . .

But the point is this:  when I stopped to think about all the changes that have taken place in the last 18 months of my life . . .I don't have much to complain about all.

Last December, just over a year ago, I was just beginning to pull out of a particularly bad bipolar episode;  I had days when all I could do was pretty much hang out with Hubby or Mother-in-Law.

But I had so much trouble with making decisions ( and I mean SIMPLE things) that Hubby completely delegated Thanksgiving Dinner (which we were hosting because our house was the biggest house) to Mother-in-Law.

I was very much a shell of who I really am.  We were facing a financial crisis:  the loss of our business.  We ended up relocating several states away.  So now we are rebuilding our lives.

And when I stop to think about it, we're doing well with the re-build,  especially since the kids and I only knew one person in this state before we moved here;  especially since Hubby spent the two months prior to this Thanksgiving prone in the living room with a back injury.

When I stop to think about where we have been and what we've come through it seems a little silly to compare myself to other people who have completely different life stories than mine.

We aren't all meant to look the same, act the same or enjoy the same activities.  For example,  as much as I love to see my little girls dressed in cutesy outfits I hate to create said outfits but I sure LOVE it when people like my Mother-in-Law who enjoys creating for little girl send us those cute outfits!

Please,

Start where you are.  Thriving isn't about perfection.  It's about living life the best way you know how, and in the best way you know to love others.

Now, Go Forth and Do,

Love,

~ Jennifer