Talking to Kids about Suicide

The other day I was driving my oldest daughter somewhere while we ran errands.  We were discussing some of the speeches that she'd been watching at her last speech meet.

Some of those speeches deal with some pretty heavy topics, like rape and parental abuse.

Firstborn made this observation "But you know what, they never make it to finals.  It doesn't matter how good they are, they never make it to finals."

Together we talked about why . . .and came to this conclusion  "Nobody wants to hear about that stuff."

Well, that's the way it is with suicide.  Nobody wants to hear about suicide.  I don't even want to blog about it.

So why am I?

Because it happens.  And because my kids are old enough to hear about it and comprehend that suicide is a thing.

So I talked to some people that I know who have been diagnosed with mental illness and of course, with that diagnosis is the tendency towards suicidal thoughts/urges when things go south.

And this is what they said to me, basically:

Let your kids know that there is help out there.  Get them to professional help.

Let them know that they are not alone.

Let them know that they can talk to you without fear that you will reject them if they let you see inside of them, how wretched they feel, how they are not living up to the standards that they know you want them to be living up to . . .

Let them know that you are there for them, that you are on their side.

One of my more colorful friends who actually works with teens as a resource person in her local school used some great wording

It's (mental illness is) an illness that is life threatening but IS NOT IN CHARGE! 

Suicide is always a choice, but it is the final choice. I'm sure we've all heard that at some point. But sometimes, it helps for kids to talk so someone they can't shock and to acknowledge that suicidal elephant in the room! It becomes much more an Us against the illness feeling rather than the kid being my do-good project.  

The more I think about it . . .and this is what I said to my daughter the other day . . .suicide happens when someone is in so much pain that they just want that pain to end and they can't think of any other way.

Suicide doesn't mean that a person is "crazy" or deficient in some way.  It means they are in a place where they need help fighting the illness.

I was really shocked this week when I heard about an old friend who had done something really horrible and out of character and then taken his own life.  He was a leader and a family man and someone that everybody loved.

And yet, apparently, he changed about nine months ago;  quit his job and began acting quite differently than he'd acted for the previous twenty years.  And it ended with him slumped over the wheel of his car, no longer able to be helped by anyone.  His last choice was a final choice, whether he realized it or not at the time.

Sounds like someone who was in a great, great deal of pain to me.  And maybe he didn't know where to go for help.  Where DO you go for help when everyone is looking to you to help them?  Where do you go?

I'll tell you where my friends who are still living after trying to commit suicide went:  to the doctor.  To the psych ward.  And you know what?

I wouldn't even know they'd ever been there if they hadn't told me.

And these are amazing people.  These are professional people, people who travel the world, people who write books,  create awesome jewelry,  and teach classes.  These are people who give television interviews and cook gourmet meals.

These are people who inspire me and make my life better because I know them.

Suicide.  It's an option, yes.  But it's the final option and I vote for HOPE, instead.

Hang
On
Pain
Ends

Love to all of you,

~ Jennifer